Jasper and the Unbaked Yeast Rolls....long but funny
Got this in an e-mail this am.....hope you find it enjoyable :)
We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the summer of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program. For those of you, who are unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10 year old child about whom you know nothing and committing to doing your best to be a good parent.
Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He will only sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to my face as he can get without actually performing a French kiss on me.
Lest you think this is a bad case of 'no discipline,' I should tell you that Perry and I tried every means to break him of this habit including locking him in a separate bedroom for several nights. The new door cost over $200. But I digress.
Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house. Although the cost of the project is downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue AND it got me out of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family, and a lot of friends that I like more than family most of the time.
I was assigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner rolls for the two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend. I am still cursing the electrician for getting the new oven hooked up so quickly. It was the only appliance in the whole darn house that worked, thus the assignment.
I made the decision to prepare the rolls on Wednesday evening and to reheat Thursday am. Since the kitchen was freshly painted, you can imagine the odor. Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams #586, I put the rolls on baking sheets and set them in the living room to rise for 5 hours. After 3 hours, Perry and I decided to go out to eat, returning in about an hour. An hour later the rolls were ready to go in the oven.
It was 8:30 PM. When I went to the living room to retrieve the pans, much to my shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I called out to Jasper and my worst nightmare became a reality. He literally wobbled over to me. He looked like a combination of the Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped up in fur. He groaned when he walked. I swear even his cheeks were bloated.
I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few seconds of uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be OK, however, I needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the rest of the night.
God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any more than my kids did when they were sick. Suffice it to say that by the time we went to bed the dog was black, white and pink. He was so bloated we had to lift him onto the bed for the night.
We arose at 7:30 and as we always do first thing; put the dog out to relieve himself. Well, the dog was as drunk as a sailor on his first leave. He was running into walls, falling flat on his butt and most of the time when he was walking his front half was going one direction and the other half was either dragging the grass or headed 90 degrees in another direction.
He couldn't lift his leg to pee, so he would just walk and pee at the same time. When he ran down the small incline in our back yard he couldn't stop himself and nearly ended up running into the fence.
His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon I endured another few seconds of laughter from the vet (second call within 12 hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his belly and that he was indeed drunk. He assured me that, not unlike most binges we humans go through, it would wear off after about 4 or 5 hours and to keep giving him Pepto Bismol.
Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, Perry and I loaded him up and took him with us to my sister's house for the first Thanksgiving meal of the day.
My sister lives outside of Muskogee on a ranch, (10 to 15 minute drive). Rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and drunk dog leaning from the back seat onto the console of the car between Perry and I, we took off.
Now I know you probably don't believe that dogs burp, but believe me when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS WILL BURP. These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have matched or beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station. But that's not the worst of it.
Now he was beginning to fart and they smelled like baked rolls. God strike me dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this for the entire trip to Karen's, thankful she didn't live any further away than she did.
Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister's garage with the door locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal of the day. The dog was the topic of conversation all morning long and everyone made trips to the garage to witness my drunken dog, each returning with a tale of Jasper's latest endeavor to walk without running into something. Of course, as the old adage goes, 'what goes in must come out' and Jasper was no exception.
Granted if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast rolls, you might as well have put a concrete block up my behind, but alas a dog's digestive system is quite different from yours or mine. I discovered this was a mixed blessing when we prepared to leave Karen's house. Having discovered his 'packages' on the garage floor, we loaded him up in the car so we could hose down the floor. This was another naive decision on our part. The blast of water from the hose hit the poop on the floor and the poop on the floor withstood the blast from the hose. It was like Portland cement beginning to set up and cure.
We finally tried to remove it with a shovel. I (obviously no one else was going to offer their services) had to get on my hands and knees with a coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor. And as if this wasn't degrading enough, the darn dog in his drunken state had walked through the poop and left paw prints all over the garage floor that had to be brushed too.
Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him home and dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving dinner at Perry's sister's house.
I am happy to report that as of today (Monday) the dog is back to normal both in size and temperament. He has had a bath and is no longer tricolor. None the worse for wear I presume. I am also happy to report that just this evening I found 2 risen, unbaked, yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door.
It appears he must have come to his senses after eating 10 of them but decided hiding 2 of them for later would not be a bad idea. Now, I'm doing research on the computer as to: 'How to clean unbaked dough from the carpet.'
And how was your day?
RE: I had a drug problem when I was a kid...
Whether the "drugs" referred to in the original post are literal or figurative, the point here, I think, is teaching kids right from wrong and the consequences thereof. I doubt that anybody here is suggesting physical abuse. Having said that, I was brought up knowing that if I did something wrong, I would pay for the consequences. Many people today apparently do not instill that in their children and that is a shame.
Having said that, this post was in the humor/jokes category. People, don't take things so seriously! Relax....enjoy and stop being so judgemental!
Mandrake, my friend, you have a story. I would love to get it on paper and make it a best seller!
Take care folks and safe camping!
RE: $900,000 salary for Freddie Mac CEO
They said the CEO's of Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae probably will not get their bonuses which I believe were around $10.000.000.How can anyone afford to live on only $900k a year? :R
I don't think it can be done either, but give me that salary for a year and let me try. please!
Redneck bank loan
Red Neck Bank Loan
A Redneck from Arkansas walked into a bank in New York City and asked
for the loan officer.
He told the loan officer that he was going to Bakersfield on business
for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a
depositor of the bank. The bank officer told him that the bank would
need some form of security for the loan, so the Redneck handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank. The Redneck produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.
Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Redneck from the south for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parked it.
Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and the
interest of $23.07. The loan officer said, 'Sir, we are very happy to
have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?'
The Arkansas Redneck replied, 'Where else in New York City , can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?'
His name was...
BUBBA...
RE: Humidty
I don't know if this is the same as you had, but my wife uses them in our trailer and at home. They are from The Container Store and are called Damp Rid
I think you can order them on line from the link or perhaps you can find them locally.
Newsflash just in.....
Wal-Mart stores all across Alabama are reporting that they had sold out of all ammunition as of yesterday. One patron was overheard as he checked out saying "the Russians may have invaded Georgia, but they sure as heck ain't gonna do it to Alabama."
RE: New Mexico Pueblo Fuel Prices!
I think the reason the diesel is so much cheaper at the two Pueblo stops you are talking about is because these are on the Indian Reservation. They don't pay all the federal taxes so they can charge less.
RE: DUMP CAKE
You can also make this with raspberry pie filling, cake mix and Big Red soda. Cee Dub called it Bubble Gum Cobbler as it smells just like bubble gum when its cooking.
Y'all are making me really hungry!!
RE: Would you want to be a teacher?!?!?
Can you say 'No Child Left Behind'. I taught from 1966 to 1972 when I went into another profession. Society has been dumbing down the educational system for the last 20 yrs and society always blames the teachers. Quite frankly I don't understand why anyone goes into the educational field today.
Teachers become teachers so they can make below minimum wage, so they can get totally frustrated because the system does not allow them to teach or discipline a child and so they can get verbally abused by parents who support the stuff the DISD is making them do. It is totally our fault that all the other nations in the world are out pacing us educationally. We the American public need to say "enough is enough"!!!
RE: Satellite Finder Meter Driving Me Nuts!
A little movement in your dish, like a light breeze blowing, should not affect the signal that much. I did have a meter go out, but I left it attached while it rained on it.
RE: Gooseneck Adapter
I used to have the gooseneck adapter, but removed it and went with an airbox 5th wheel hitch. With the gooseneck set up, I felt like every bump was metal on metal. With the airbox, I have that cushion so the ride is smoother. With some of the bumps we hit, I went down on my overloads when I bottomed out. I don't do that now with the airbox, at least I don't feel it if I do!
As far as voiding the warranty, some say it will and to get it in writing from the manufacturer. I tried, but never got any reply.
Good luck and safe travels.
RE: Satellite Finder Meter Driving Me Nuts!
I have shared your frustration and, on occasion, continue to share in it. I bought the Align-a-Site from Camping world and it really helps get the azmuth right. I didn't set the Align-a-site up per the directions, so now the issues I have are with the elevation. that part is fairly easy to cure if the tripod is level and stable.
I suggest you make sure the tripod your dish is mounted on is truly level and is very stable so it doesn't move. also, make sure the nuts on the dish are tight after you think you have the signal locked in. The dish itself could be moving.
I use the Winguard meter and think its good. They are $30 something from Camping World, which is where I got the last one.
good luck.
RE: Lap-Band Procedure - Decide To Do It
I'm sure Chuck won't mind me telling you that everything went well this morning. When we left him, the nurse was about to get him up and walking. He should be home early afternoon.
RE: zuchinni
Dutchess, I am SO ready for some DOGs. If only it would cool down a little.
DW and I were in Angel Fire NM a few weeks ago and did several dishes in the DO. She is ready to try her hand at some dishes like you guys do. So BRING IT ON!!!
RE: zuchinni
Dutchess, I think I have had that dish (or something pretty similar) and it is REALLY good!!! The sausage is the key, I think.
thanks for posting.
RE: gooseneck hitch
I used to have a gooseneck adapter on my 5th wheel. A lot of people will tell you it will void the warranty on the trailer. As that could be true, you might want to check with the manufacturer on that, not the sales representative.
I changed my hitch out for an air box to eliminate the metal on metal banging with each and every bump in the road. It was a good change for us. The ride is much smoother and I don't think I have hit the truck overloads since I switched.
good luck and happy camping
